Hi friend! What an amazing week of Losing Who We’re Not! I told you on Monday we were going to be reading about two women in the Bible, The Woman at the Well, and Rebekah.
Today let’s focus our discussion on the “Meddler” Rebekah. Well, now that probably isn’t fair to call her names now is it. I am sure Rebekah’s heart was in the right place, she just wanted to help. But as Cheri reminds us on pg. 67, “Help is only received as help when the other person actually wants it.”
I have learned this lesson the hard way with my adult son. He has been out on is own for a minute now, and as a mom, I: See possible issues before they happen, see the negative consequences that could arise from choices made previously, feel the physical, emotional, and relational reactions that come with said consequences, invent plans to prevent issues from coming to fruition, and I take charge and carry out my plans no matter what or who tries to interfere.
Cheri says on pg. 68 that when we can say “yes” that we do the items above or those similar, we are living “Hypothetical Lives”. She continues on to say, “When we get caught up in hypothetical lives, what started as true helping quickly morphs into meddling.”
I recently did this exact thing with my son. I saw some possible issues that could happen if he didn’t do choice A. Immediately, my mind began racing to all of the negative outcomes and I was getting physically sick and emotionally drained. My plan was to make a few phone calls on his behalf, of course without consulting him, and phone calls I made.
Ka Boom!! Blow Up! WWIII! My help, or what I thought was helping was actually meddling. My son no more wanted my help than he wanted a hole in the head. He wants to figure these issues out for himself. He told me in a few words that “I was ruining his life!” Harsh, yes. True, no. Meddling, absolutely! All I needed to do was give him over to God! Someone once told me, “God doesn’t have grandchildren, only children.” I am His daughter, Jeff is His son.
Cheri gives us a fabulous chart on pg 72 to help us know when we are helping or meddling.
Check out this link to Cheri’s sheet to keep track of our unnecessary actions. It’s a great visual to help us see when we are meddling.
Now let’s go Flipping and Flopping with Amy in Chapter 7.
Well, I can so relate to Peter. So many times I have left Jesus behind and gone out and done things my way, with not such fabulous consequences. However, every time I have come back to Jesus with a humble, redemptive heart, he has welcomed me with his love, grace, and forgiveness.
Amy does a beautiful job describing how we don’t have to stay stuck in our messes with two types of “Flips”
“The Redemptive Flip” (Exhale pg. 81-82)
I love how Amy describes this “Redemptive Flip”, the actions we take after we have messed up. She writes on pg. 82, “Need to lose who you’re not? Need to turn away from all the flops? Need more faith than you can muster up to face the difficulties of a shift? That’s what repentance is for, and that’s what our Savior is here to do. When we need deep change, we repent, receive grace, and start fresh.”
I don’t know about you, but reading that paragraph makes me feel like “Exhaling” a huge sigh of relief. God is so good! We don’t have to stay stuck in our flops and mess ups. We can fall on our knees, as that beautiful song goes my mom sings at church at Christmas, and Jesus will meet us right there!
“The Preemptive Flip”
Amy also tells us we can, “Lose who we’re not by staying out of the weeds”. When we hear a warning and whispers from God, we need to listen and obey. This is how Amy describes it on pg. 83, “When He shows us our weaknesses, let’s humbly plead for His strength to rush into our gaps”.
The idea here is to listen and learn from God’s word. “If we react to God’s warnings by turning to Him for the help we can’t live without, many times we can avoid the pain of failure completely.” (Amy Carroll pg. 83 “Exhale”)
Wow friend, you have come to the end of part 1, Losing who you’re not! We aren’t going to lose who we aren’t over night, but with Jesus’ help and our willingness we are on a great start!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on Meddling and Flipping today in the comments. Feel free to comment on each other’s posts and please if you want to share your prayer requests.
Next Week get ready to start “Loving Who You Are”, it’s going to be a fabulous journey, friend!
And if you want to dive in deeper check out Cheri’s Blog Post, “How to Know if You Are Helping, Meddling, or Rescuing” https://cherigregory.com/being-helpful/
“Grit ‘N’ Grace” podcast “How to Level Up Through the Power of Simple Truths” https://gritngracegirls.com/episode102/